OOPSIE

Last night at work, a customer told L2 she liked her costume. L2 was not wearing a costume.

SOME MORE SLUTTY STATISTICS

Number of guys I made out with in a 5 month period that ended up to be gay: 2

Number of those guys who also ended up to be homeless: 1

Number of times the bar has ever been set lower than it was during that period of my life: 0

UNFORTUNATE MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Back when my life sucked even worse than it does now (believe it or not) I had the thankless job of substitute teaching. One day while working a staff member entered my classroom and walked right by me. I asked, "Can I help you?" to which she replied, "OH! I thought you were a student in this class!"

I was subbing for 6th graders. Special ed 6th graders. Yes, I was genuinely mistaken for a 12 year old retard.

I DON'T ASK A LOT

Drewski: You know I’d take a bullet for you.

L1: Fine. I guess I'll stop being mad.

Drewski: In the leg or foot.

Drewski: Nowhere in the upper torso.

HARRY PREPARES TO RIDE INTO THE DANGER ZONE

Harry: I'm glad you're going to live with us, too. I don't think I could handle L2 alone.
Nate: Why? What's wrong with her?
Harry: I just see her in her natural habitat...
Nate: (concerned) Well what's wrong with her?! What does she do?!
Harry: Well, tonight she was singing Danger Zone.