GOOD ONE

Coworker: J told me, "I think I'm in love with L1."
L1: Really? He said that?
Coworker: No, I'm just kidding.

THANKS

"Ugh, kids! Why have 'em?" -Our mom

QUEEN OF LOSERS

While drinking alone at the bar on Valentine's Day, I realized I was sitting next to the drummer from Kings of Leon... who witnessed me drinking alone at the bar on Valentine's Day. Later I went to dinner where the Indian host addressed me as "sir." Last Valentine's Day I was nagged into a blow job, so I guess the saddest part of all of this is that this year was a major improvement.