Last year my birthday present to myself was a trip to New York to sex up an internet friend I had been chatting with for 48 hours. One morning we were spooning, semi-clothedly, when suddenly - without warning - I was rammed in the ass by his dick. I spent the next 24 hours walking around the city like a cripple and not using the bathroom because even taking a piss made my asshole bleed.
The next week at Thanksgiving dinner when I was sharing this charming tale with my family, my mom confessed that when I was a baby, my doctor had informed her that I was born with an abnormally small butthole, but she had kept it from me all these years because she didn't want me to feel different. Had I known this information earlier, I might have been more protective of it. Sorry, butthole.
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